There are a lot of things that I wish for. Mostly good, but sometimes I wish I could disappear. I wish I could just go away wordlessly, quietly, unknowingly, and permanently. Because it would be so easier that way. Easier for me. Easier for everyone.
I’ve stopped counting how many times I’ve felt useless or worthless because there’s no use counting things that happen on a regular basis. I wish I didn’t have to feel that way. I wish I could actually do something with my life. I wish I could be enough.
But all these wishing has got me hoping. Hoping it would be okay eventually. Some day I’ll be always happy. Thinking one day, I’ll be enough. Knowing I actually have a future.
Because right now, I can’t see myself ten years from now. I don’t know where I’ll be living because I don’t even know if I’ll make it to five.
And that’s all I wish for. To see and have a future. Because lately I’ve been making plans. It hurts every time that I lose sight of that plan. It hurts when I can’t believe it’s possible.
Because I want it so bad.
I’m wishing and crying my heart out just to believe that it’s possible for me.
So I wish and I wish for all these things.
And maybe someday I’ll get my future or my quick end.
ofthoughtsandillusions 